


Zoro and Nami and the absolute heterosexuality of it all

by phantomofthehoepera



Series: Assorted Tales From Blue City And Its Residents [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fake/Pretend Heterosexuality, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay Roronoa Zoro, Lesbian Nami (One Piece), M/M, Multi, ambiguously not straight luffy usopp sanji and vivi one piece, jk rowling voice also usopp is transed of gender it's just never mentioned in the text uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24573700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomofthehoepera/pseuds/phantomofthehoepera
Summary: ”’Hi everyone!’” Nami began, putting on a high-pitched voice she thought fitting of whoever in the ball committee had formulated the email. “‘Hope you’ve got your best outfits ready because the Blue City High autumn ball is just around the corner- a perfect time to get to know each other better. We’ve got the latest news on the event of the year for you all. First, please remember that alcohol is strictly forbidden…’ blah-blah.”Nami quickly scrolled past the uninteresting parts, until she found was she was looking for. ”Here! ’Finally, we’re happy to announce that a cutest couple contest will be held, so make sure to bring your girl - slash - boyfriends.’”
Relationships: Nami & Roronoa Zoro, Nami/Nefertari Vivi, Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: Assorted Tales From Blue City And Its Residents [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836874
Comments: 43
Kudos: 220





	Zoro and Nami and the absolute heterosexuality of it all

It was a late night, the living room’s lamps not quite managing to keep the darkness of the street outside at bay. Shadows seeped in along with a soft summer breeze that played with the hair of the four people currently gathered in the room. Three of them were sitting on the floor and the fourth stood up on a chair, giving off a sense of authority. 

”Alright skanks,” the girl on the chair- Nami- addressed the room. ”We have a situation.” 

”A situation?” Usopp, the first of the three on the floor repeated with a raised eyebrow. 

”A situation.” Nami nodded gravely. ”I presume you’ve all heard of the upcoming ball, but in case it slipped any of your minds I’ll go over it.” 

In most cases she wouldn’t have had to do that, but considering who her non-Usopp audience consisted of she couldn’t be completely sure. Zoro did remember things on occasion, however what he remembered was usually just information concerning him personally or any hot gossip he could exchange for a favor from Nami. Then there was Luffy, whose memory was about as predictable as a monkey on crack. Possibly with a gun, but the metaphor was already wearing thin and wouldn’t hold up under elaboration, so Nami focused on continuing her speech instead.

”On the ninth of September, our school will be hosting a ball for all students to attend.” This seemed to have possibly jolted Luffy’s memory somewhat, because he crossed his arms and nodded with a serious expression.

”We weren’t going to attend it because it’s ’expensive, straight bullshit’, right?” Usopp chimed in. ”Why are you bringing it up?” 

”It’s still expensive, straight bullshit. I stand by that. However-” Nami opened her phone ”I just recently received an email from the ball committee, with the following announcement:” 

She cleared her throat and the three boys leaned forward in anticipation. 

”’Hi everyone!’” Nami began, putting on a high-pitched voice she thought fitting of whoever in the ball committee had formulated the email. “‘Hope you’ve got your best outfits ready because the Blue City High autumn ball is just around the corner- a perfect time to get to know each other better. We’ve got the latest news on the event of the year for you all. First, please remember that alcohol is strictly forbidden…’ blah-blah.” 

Nami quickly scrolled past the uninteresting parts, until she found was she was looking for. ”Here! ’Finally, we’re happy to announce that a cutest couple contest will be held, so make sure to bring your girl - slash - boyfriends.’” 

”Yeah, question” Zoro raised his hand ”How does that concern us? Is there anyone in here who isn’t single?” 

“No there’s not,” Usopp and Luffy said at the same time, shaking their heads and Nami shot them an annoyed look. Partly because of their collective pointing out the obvious and partly because it was a bit unnecessary to rub in the fact that in her seventeen years on this gay green earth she still hadn’t had a single girlfriend. At least she had some consolation in the fact that her friends suffered the same state of constant singledom. 

”It concerns us because if you let me _finish-_ ” Nami gave them all an icy look. ”You’ll find that there’s a monetary reward for the winner. Probably to get more people to join, but they promise it’s a lot. And we’re gonna nab it.” 

”Really? How?!” Luffy grinned, seemingly excited at getting to participate in something that - while not outright illegal - could definitely be described as ‘mischievous’. 

”Yeah, how?” Usopp didn’t sound as excited ”As Zoro said, none of us are dating anyone.” 

”None of us are,” Nami confirmed. ”And besides, it’s a straights only event. I checked and the school is forcing them, _however,_ you mustn’t worry your fragile little heads because I have a plan.” 

Nami took a moment to look out over the room, making sure she had everyone’s attention. Or well, Zoro’s and Usopp’s attention and as much attention as she could get from Luffy. 

”If you will, for a moment, think about our dear schoolmates and the rumors they like to entertain themselves with, you’ll notice there’s one pesky little story that we might- for once- use to our benefit.” Nami noticed Zoro’s face scrunching up, indicating he knew what she was talking about. They still didn’t know who’d started the rumor but they definitely knew who were spreading it, mainly because it’d be harder to find someone who wasn’t. 

”For months, years even,” Nami continued. ”There have been whispers about me and Zoro. People, being straight and dumb, like to think that there’s something going on between us and now we’re _finally_ going to get something out of it.” 

”You’re suggesting we pretend to date?” Zoro didn’t look entirely convinced, but at least he didn’t seem all too against the idea. 

”That is exactly what I’m suggesting,” Nami nodded. ”We go together, win the stupid price, fuck off with the money and then never bring up us dating ever again. It’ll just have to be until graduation.” 

The audience went silent, contemplating the plan to themselves. Usopp seemed convinced, and probably relieved at not having to play an integral part of the plan, if Nami knew him. Luffy was bouncing slightly, easily excitable as he was and Zoro nodded after a few more moments of complete silence. 

”Could work,” he said. ”I’m not sure what to do, though” 

”And _that_ is where Usopp comes in.” Nami gestured to Usopp. ”You can write something up about how we got together pretty quick right?” 

”Uh, yeah, gimme like...” Usopp shrugged. ”Two hours?” 

”Permission granted. Now, Luffy.” Nami turned to Luffy who straightened his back, his face setting in determination. 

”I need you to come up with a diversion that you and Usopp can carry out at any point during the evening.” They hopefully wouldn’t need it, but better safe than sorry. And whatever Luffy came up was bound to get people’s attention, so for once Nami felt perfectly safe leaving something entirely in his hands. 

”Leave it to me.” Luffy looked thoughtful, probably already coming up with something. 

”Finally, Zoro.” Nami turned to him. ”The two of us are gonna have to do research. A lot of research. Listen in on what the guys in your class talk about, especially if they have girlfriends.” 

”Sure.” Zoro pulled a face, obviously not too thrilled at the idea. Nami wasn’t either, truth be told, but it couldn’t be helped. They needed to work hard if they wanted that prize money, and by god Nami was going to get her hands on it no matter what it took. 

With everyone clear on their tasks, she dismissed the group and all of them minus Luffy - since it was his house - headed home. Nami’s house wasn’t too far away and in less than thirty minutes she was at home and ready to go to bed, having managed to sneak in without waking neither Bellemere or Nojiko. 

As she crawled into bed she thought over the plan once again, and fell asleep feeling quite confident. 

  
  
  


**_namey01_ ** _changed the name of_ **_super_skanks_ ** _to_ **_ballcrashers_69_ **

**_namey01:_ ** _okay I already regret this decision the girls I’m listening in on are legit terrifying_

 **_namey01:_ ** _did any of you know that apparently kalifa has the password to lucci’s phone and checks it everyday_

 **_namey01:_ ** _this is why I hate straight people_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _oh my god_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _that’s genuinely fucked up oh my god_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _ew ew ew_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _I’m not letting you check my phone_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _I swear if you so much as look over my shoulder I’m strangling you_

 **_namey01:_ ** _relax_

 **_namey01:_ ** _no one wants to see what’s on your phone dude_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _I bet his camera roll looks like a snuff film_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _wtf?_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _why??_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _dodging the accusation I see_

Zoro was about to send a devastating reply when his teacher audibly cleared his throat. 

”Zoro.” Fujitora’s tone was stern. ”Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I don’t notice you losing focus.” 

”Sorry,” Zoro mumbled and closed his phone. 

”Now, can you answer my question or not?” 

Zoro couldn’t, since he hadn’t heard what it was in the first place. Fujitora sighed when he asked him to repeat it, but obliged nonetheless. After that, Zoro didn’t dare pick his phone up for a while, instead trying to focus on the class. It didn’t go too well. Some guys behind him were talking in hushed voices and Zoro kept catching bits and pieces of their conversation. It sounded like the first was asking the second a whole lot of questions, with the second only responding half-heartedly. 

As discreetly as he could, Zoro turned around and caught a glimpse of the guys. The first he recognized from his old class, a boy named Jabra, but the second was among the new who Zoro hadn’t bothered to learn the names of yet. There were a whole bunch of them, from the three old parallel classes that had been mixed up for their senior year. The mix had split up Zoro and Nami, which sucked because it meant Zoro had no one to talk shit about the rest of the class with. Theoretically, he was supposed to get to know all the new people, but he didn’t feel like it. He could still see his friends at recess and after school, after all, so he found the whole thing pretty pointless. 

Jabra apparently didn’t, however, and he was getting louder with his questions and stories. Somehow he’d gotten to talking about football and Zoro figured he could try catching a few things he could use at the ball. Jabra seemed to prefer one football team over another, both of which Zoro instantly forgot the names of, but he could at least relate to the competitiveness. Of course, he much preferred sports with some violence involved, especially if the male competitors weren’t big on clothes. Poor working conditions be damned, the WWE was high art and it was frustrating that Nami refused to accept that. 

Zoro forced himself to focus on the conversation going on behind him, despite how uninteresting it was. The unknown guy’s replies were getting strained, and often not more than one syllable long. He obviously wanted the conversation to end, Zoro noted, along with the fact that he was beginning to slip into a slight accent. Zoro couldn’t quite place it but it sounded vaguely french. 

It took some time, but Jabra finally got the hint and shut up. Relieved at not having to listen to any more of what he was saying, and content to know that he could always just talk about sports, Zoro opened his phone again to see what he’d missed, 

**_namey01:_ ** _wait what’s a snuff film_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _just google it I can’t explain rn_

 **_namey01:_ ** _dude what the fuck_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _gross right xD_

 **_namey01:_ ** _not as gross as using xD in this day and age_

 **_namey01:_ ** _we’ve talked about this luffy this is an xD free chat_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _you can’t tell me what to do >:3c _

**_namey01:_ ** _jesus fucking christ_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _have to agree with nami here you’re crossing a line dude_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _I leave for five minutes and this is what happens_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _what were you even doing_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _important spy work_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _did prof F catch you texting?_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _that too_

 **_namey01:_ ** _damnnn_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _f_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _F_

 **_namey01:_ ** _f_

 **_namey01:_ ** _anyway are y’all free after school I wanna go ball shopping_

 **_namey01:_ ** _we need baller outfits_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _he he_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _BALLer_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _I’m down but I’m not paying over 50 dollars_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _oh yea, same_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _why do we need new clothes tho?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _you might get to go to the ball in jorts but me and zoro have a competition to win dipshit_

 **_namey01:_ ** _but yeah I’m not paying over 50 either I’m not insane_

  
  
  


Blue City, while popular with tourists due to its vicinity to the sea, did not have much to offer in terms of cheap shopping. Most stores were in the north end, which was far too fancy for Nami’s budget. She could appreciate fancy, but she appreciated having money far more. 

In the eastern parts of town, across the highway from the north, there were a few second hand options, and if there was one thing Nami was an expert on it was second hand shopping. Thus, she had easily picked out the best one for the group to do their shopping at, which was where she was currently waiting for her friends to meet her.

Usopp and Luffy arrived together, just out of class, and then it took Zoro a few more minutes to arrive, despite him having quit an hour before even Nami.

”You know,” Nami said as she swung open the doors to Red Rose Second Hand. ”You really should have asked one of us to pick you up.” 

”Shut up.” 

”You better not show up late to the ball.” 

“Shut _up._ ” 

Nami rolled her eyes and started surveying the various items in the store as Luffy and Usopp headed off, loudly chattering about their respective ideas. Nami tuned them out and made for the gown section, finding a variety of different colors and models, none of which were to her liking. One in particular was beyond hideous, a mass of washed out fabric covered with hand-painted tigers. With a sigh, Nami put it back on the rack and left the dresses to find Zoro. 

Somehow, he’d managed to actually find his way in the store and was currently standing in front of a rack of suit jackets looking if not physically, then mentally lost. 

”Find anything?” Nami asked and Zoro shook his head. 

”They’re all just… _black._ I don’t see what the difference is.” He held two of the jackets up in front of him to demonstrate, and Nami had to agree that they looked quite similar, though with a slight variation in cut. 

”It’s about model,” she explained as she started going through the rack. ”We need to find one we can actually fit your arms in.” 

”Well.” Zoro sounded a little smug. ”That might be hard.” 

Nami was about to wipe that smugness out of his voice with a witty comeback when she was interrupted by Luffy yelling at her and Zoro that he and Usopp were going to try on some clothes. Though she wasn’t sure, Nami thought she might have caught a glimpse of the Carole Baskin apparel dress in Luffy’s pile of various clothes, none of which seemed relevant to the ball. Figuring that Luffy’s clothes weren’t a vital part of the plan, Nami mercifully decided to let him and Usopp have their fun and just waved at them before focusing back on the jackets. 

”Okay, I think this might work.” She handed one of them to Zoro. ”Try it on.” 

Zoro complied, slipping the thing on without much trouble. Buttoning it, however, turned out to be an issue. 

”Is it really supposed to be this tight,” he asked, having just managed to fasten the first button and struggling with the second. Nami decided it was probably best to stop him before he broke the damn thing and they had to pay for a useless jacket. 

”Not it isn’t, but you could always wear it unbuttoned. Save it,” she ordered. ”We could try finding a nice shirt to go with it.” 

The dress shirt section turned out to be a lot more varied in both color and size, to both Nami and Zoro’s relief. After a moment’s consideration, Nami decided against most of the boldly patterned ones, even though they were _very_ tempting. What they finally settled on was a selection of six dress shirts, five in varying tones of green and blue and the sixth a simple white. Grabbing a pair of simple, black pants on their way, they made for the dressing rooms, one of which was currently occupied by Usopp and Luffy, both of them giggling hysterically. 

”What did you find?” Nami asked them as Zoro got into another changing room. There was a bit of rustling before Luffy finally emerged, wearing the tiger dress and a wide grin. Nami sighed and eyed the pile of clothes he and Usopp had dragged into the dressing room. A few of the items looked surprisingly nice, which meant Usopp had probably picked them out, and one in particular looked like… _just_ what Nami needed. 

”Hey Usopp.” She pointed to the dress. ”Toss me that will you?” 

Usopp did so, and Nami got a closer look at the thing. It was a minty green, sleeveless and just short enough for Nami’s liking. It was simple, but Nami was certain it would look great with a few details. With a ”Hold on”, she ventured back out into the store and picked out a broad, black belt as well as a pair of black high heels. 

Her prediction turned out to be true, as the combination did wonders for the dress. Stepping out of the dressing room she turned to Luffy and Usopp, getting two pairs of thumbs up, which were stellar reviews in her book. 

”Hey Zoro.” She rustled the curtain to Zoro’s dressing room. ”How are we looking?” 

”Uh...” Zoro drew it out. ”Expensive. Like I go out drinking and buy champagne then pour it down the drain just to show off how much money I have.” 

”I’m sure that’s an overstatement. Can I see?” Nami was a little curious, she had to admit, since the nicest thing she’d ever seen Zoro in was one of his dad’s dress shirts that he’d only worn because he was out of clothes.

Saying something under his breath that Nami didn’t quite catch, Zoro stepped out of the dressing room. He’d gone with the lightest of the green shirts and to Nami’s relief it fit perfectly. Not only that, it was pretty close in tone with her dress meaning they’d match. _Bonus points, baby._

After a little convincing, Zoro agreed that he did look good in the outfit and that it was worth the total of thirty dollars, not including shoes which Zoro refused to spend money on, arguing that he had usable ones at home. Considering how much he had already agreed to, Nami decided not to test her luck, and minutes later they were at the checkout all four of them. Luffy and Usopp had picked out the tiger dress, but also- to Nami’s relief- two identical sleeveless, white dress shirts which they were planning on actually wearing. 

All in all, a shopping trip well worth the money, in Nami’s opinion. 

  
  


**_z0r0:_ ** _I might be a bit late guys_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _soz_

 **_namey01:_ ** _are you kidding me?????_

 **_namey01_ ** _changed the name of_ **_ballcrashers_69_ ** _to_ **_zorosballscrushers_ **

**_z0r0:_ ** _you're so overdramatic_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _I stand with nami on this one actually_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _sleep with one eye open tonight_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _dw zoro i’ll protect you_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _anyway usopp do you have the goods_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _wait shit_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _I’ll be late too_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _not as late as zoro tho_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _just gotta turn around and get them it’ll be five min_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _YOU_

**_monkey-the-chunkey:_ **

****

**_godusopp:_ ** _how dare you use a doge against me_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _how dare you forget the GOODS_

Zoro put his phone down, figuring he could spare himself the argument, and that it would be in his best interest to at least listen to some of what Perona was saying. She was in the middle of a rant he was pretty certain had started out being about his shoes, one of which she was waving in the air for emphasis, or to block his way to the door. Zoro wasn’t certain.

“So the long and short of it is that I can’t wear my regular boots?” 

She looked like she was about to yell at him for cutting her off for a moment, but in the end she just sighed and nodded. 

“The long and short of it, yes,” she said. “Honestly I can’t believe I raised a little brother with such poor fashion sense.” 

“I don’t have the time to argue with you about that, but just know you’re wrong.” Zoro shot her a murderous glare for emphasis. “Anyway, are you going to help me or are you just going to get me late?” 

“I am going to help you, if you just give me a moment.” 

Without any further elaboration, Perona left and made for the living room. Zoro was tempted to take the chance to leave, but then he would never hear the end of it when he got back home. And besides, Perona was right in that his shoes were a bit shabby. He didn’t mind that, but he had to agree that they would look a little out of place at a ball, especially with how dressed up he was. Personally, he thought he looked stuffy but Perona hadn’t complained at all about the suit, so Nami must have been right. 

Soon enough, his sister came back, dragging Mihawk with her by the arm. He looked a little lost, and a little like he was upset at missing the evening news but he listened patiently as Perona went over most of what she’d already told Zoro, with equally as much cursing.

“So that’s what I need your help with,” she finished. “Do you have any shoes you can lend Zoro?” 

“Let me think…” Mihawk stood still for a moment, then opened the hallway wardrobe and began rummaging through it, all the while Zoro started checking the time a lot more frequently. He fought the urge to bounce his leg, knowing it would annoy Mihawk. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, Mihawk pulled a box out of the wardrobe and handed it to Zoro. 

“I haven’t used these in a while. See if they fit,” he said, as Zoro opened the box and took the shoes out.

Now, Zoro was by no means an expert on shoes but he felt pretty certain these were fancy ones, and not just in the middle-aged goth sense of the word, like most of Mihawk’s clothes. Perhaps it was the quality of the leather? Or at least, he presumed it was leather, unlike his own shoes which were mostly a mix of god knows what meant to imitate the real deal. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, and Mihawk nodded. 

“No need to be careful with them, as I said, I haven’t used them in years,” he shrugged and turned around, leaving the hallway to go back to his evening news as Zoro tried the shoes on. They fit well, even if they felt a bit weird to walk in, so Zoro yelled to Mihawk that he’d borrow them for the evening and then got going. 

Half-jogging away from his house, he reminded himself of the route. Now that Nami wasn’t here to make fun of him, he could admit his sense of direction was slightly impaired, and he didn’t want to run later than he already was, so he had to swallow his pride and keep all his focus on the road. The ball was to be held in some locale in the west part of town, which meant his first priority was to get to the nearest bridge across the highway that ran straight through Blue City, splitting it in half. 

It should be easy, he told himself. 

  
  
  


**_z0r0:_ ** _am omw_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _perona was giving me shit_

 **_namey01:_ ** _you weren’t even on your way????????_

 **_namey01:_ ** _this sucks I’m literally hiding in an alleyway_

 **_namey01:_ ** _it’s crucial that we show up together remember_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _i know i know_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _crossing the highway now, don’t go in without me_

Nami exited the direct messages and closed her phone with an irritated sigh. The highway wasn’t that far off, but one never knew with Zoro. He could have somehow found his way to a completely different highway in a completely different city by now…

“Hi,” someone said behind her and Nami nearly jumped. She spun around with a faint squeal, coming face to face with a girl who immediately looked apologetic. 

“I’m sorry!” She held her hands up in a defensive pose. “I didn’t mean to scare you!” 

“No! No, it’s fine.” Nami matched the girl’s hand movements. It felt like her stress was a bit contagious, but it could just be Nami getting nervous all on her own. The girl was wearing a white dress which complemented her dark skin, and made her blue hair stand out in an almost unnatural way. No, not unnatural, more like supernatural. Like a fairy. 

“I just...wasn’t expecting you, I guess,” she added, as she realized that it had been silent for way too long. 

“Still, I’m sorry,” the girl said, and stepped closer, which made Nami panic slightly until she realized that the girl was overlooking the gathering of people outside the temporary ballroom, much like Nami had been doing before she got Zoro’s messages. She did so again now, noting that Kalifa had arrived, well-dressed as always in a sleek, black number that fell along her curves like it had been tailored specifically to her. It might have been, for all Nami knew, really. 

“So…” she said, trying to distract herself from the mixed feelings Kalifa’s dress was giving her. “How come you’re out here? Aren’t you going to the ball?” 

“I really should, I suppose.” The girl tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and sighed. “I’m part of the ball committee so I have work to do I just…”

She paused, still overlooking the crowd with a distant expression, and for a while Nami was worried she would have to figure out a way to continue the conversation, but luckily the girl picked up where she’d trailed off. 

“I need a moment to catch my breath,” she finished, and shot Nami a quick smile. “What about yourself?”

Nami definitely felt like she needed to catch her breath, but fortunately she realized that that was not what the girl had been asking for before she said something dumb. 

“Oh, just waiting for a-” She cut herself off, as she remembered why she was actually out here. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend,” she finished, cringing internally at how the word sounded. 

“I see.” The girl smiled. “Are you going to join the competition?” 

“That’s the idea, if he ever feels like showing up.” 

The girl laughed at Nami’s comment, and Nami felt her breath hitch. She quickly tried to come up with something else to follow up with, something that might make the girl laugh again, but before she could a faint buzzing interrupted her thinking. For a moment she was confused as to what it was, but then the girl took a phone out of somewhere in the dress and answered it. 

“Hi, yeah, I’m just outside.” She rolled her eyes as a voice that Nami could only faintly make out droned on for a while, then said goodbye after what felt like ages. 

“Duty calls,” she said, putting the phone back into the pocket that Nami still couldn’t see. “I guess I’ll see you inside. And I hope your boyfriend shows up.” 

Nami could only mumble a “see you inside” as the girl walked off. Her dress flowed behind her as she walked, and the fabric was almost hypnotizing, like something out of one of those commercials where Nami was pretty certain 90% of the things on screen were CGI. But fabric could really move like that, huh? That was fascinating. She had to make note of it. 

The girl stopped just a few meters away and turned around, as if she’d forgotten something. 

“Where are my manners? I completely forgot to ask your name,” she looked genuinely embarrassed, which made Nami a little nervous considering she hadn’t had the sense to ask the girl her name either, but she still managed to respond. 

“It’s Nami,” she sputtered. “And you?” 

“I’m Vivi.” The girl smiled one last time, then turned around again and walked out of the alleyway, her dress still flowing behind her. 

Nami felt like what she was seeing should be in slow motion, possibly accompanied by harp music, but none of that happened. Instead, the only thing that happened was that Zoro snuck up behind her and clocked in the second time someone had scared her half to death tonight. 

“I’ve been waiting forever!” She glared at him and he glared right back, but notably had nothing to say in his defense. He just asked her if she’d seen Usopp and Luffy, and she informed him that they’d already gone inside. She’d noticed Luffy carrying a big duffle bag, but decided not to mention that since Zoro already looked a bit nervous. 

“So,” she began, linking their arms. “We go in together, obviously and sign up for the competition. Remember our motivations?” 

“Sure, it’s…” Zoro trailed off and looked panicked for a moment, then recited what Usopp had written out as their backstory like he had been asked to retell the Vietnam War. 

“We’ve been dating for three years, but I’ve been too shy to go public. You wanted to feel like a princess for tonight so I agreed to join the competition.” 

“Is queen better?” They had stepped out into the open and Nami suddenly felt very watched. 

“Beats me, but if Usopp says it’s princess I’m saying it’s princess.” Zoro paused for a moment then added: “How’s my delivery?” 

Quite frankly, a bit wooden, but after weighing the possibility of that knowledge just making Zoro even more tense, Nami decided against telling him. 

“It’s great, don’t worry about it,” she said, and felt Zoro relax slightly. “Nice shoes, by the way.” 

“Thanks.” 

They walked up to the entrance, and Nami put on her most winning smile as Zoro showed off their tickets. That had been Usopp’s idea as well, to have Zoro bring both of them. He truly did have a sense for dramatics. 

The boy at the door, who she thought might be in Zoro’s class, gave him an approving look and a thumbs up when he seemed to think Nami wasn’t looking. It only seemed to confuse Zoro, though, but at least he returned the gesture, albeit with a little less enthusiasm. 

“Dude, you need to relax,” Nami whispered to him once they were inside. “I’m not letting you sneak off with my vodka the first thing you do.” 

“You brought vodka?” 

“Of course, I’m not an idiot.” 

“I love you.” 

“Yeah, I sure hope you do,” Nami smirked at him. “We’re dating, remember.” 

She surveyed the room, quickly finding Luffy and Usopp at the improvised DJ-table. Luffy was talking to the DJ, a teacher she’d never had personally but who did get extra points in her book for his impeccable taste in Hawaiian shirts. He laughed at something Luffy said, then - and this worried Nami a little - was handed the duffle bag, which he quickly hid behind the DJ-table. 

Once the transaction was finished, Luffy fist-bumped the teacher, then he and Usopp gave each other the least discreet winks Nami had ever seen and made their way out into the crowd. For a moment she considered trying to catch up to them and ask them what they were doing, but in the end she just got her phone out of her purse as she and Zoro got in line to sign up for the competition. 

**_namey01:_ ** _what in the actual shit are you guys getting up to?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _@monkey-the-chunkey @godusopp_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _nothing_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _nothing_

 **_namey01:_ ** _do you want a part in this reward or not?_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _fine!_ _  
_ **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _YES_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _you asked for a distraction right?_

 **_monkey-the-chunkey:_ ** _ace wouldnt agree to do his fire stunts so we have to improvise_

 **_namey01:_ ** _just don’t do anything stupid_

 **_namey01:_ ** _you’ll stress zoro out_

 **_namey01:_ ** _he looks like he’s about to faint_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _you know I can read this right_

 **_namey01:_ ** _I didn’t know you could read_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _die_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _stop infighting and put your phones down_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _it’ll look weird if you’re both rather on your phones than talking to each other_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _fine_

  
  
  


Zoro closed his phone, just in time too as he and Nami were just reaching the signing-up table. Apparently all you had to do was put your names on a list, and so far there weren’t that many on it. After they were done and Nami had added a little heart after their names (which Zoro found excessive), he cast a discreet look at the line and was relieved to find that not that many seemed to be there either. Good. The less competition the better, in this particular situation. 

The hall had been decorated for the evening, with fairy lights and garlands hanging criss-crossed from every possible part of the ceiling and walls. It reminded Zoro of spider web, if a bit brighter, and quickly made him feel even more trapped. That, and the fact that tables had been set out to form a U-shape around the middle of the room, where a single, long table stood. It was decorated with pink roses, which Zoro didn’t think boded well and he expressed his concerns to Nami. 

“It’s probably just for the teachers,” she reassured him, just as high pitched feedback rang through the room for a second, and everyone covered their ears. 

_“So sorry about that,”_ a voice said through a microphone, and Zoro looked over the crowd, trying to find the source of it, while the voice continued. 

_“You might know me as Franky, but for tonight it’s DJ Franky, here to get you some real ‘bops’ and ‘bangers’. But first, some announcements.”_

Hearing it was Franky made it a little easier to look, seeing as there weren’t that many people with electric blue hair at their school. Soon, he found the teacher, at a DJ-table just behind the table furthest to the back. He looked to have a lot of fun, and got more support than most teachers would have gotten if they’d called themselves DJs. Luffy cheered loudly somewhere in the crowd, and Zoro heard someone else calling Franky a king. 

_“Thank you, thank you,”_ Franky said, and bowed slightly. _“As for the announcements, please remember that alcohol is strictly forbidden. There’s soda, and water for the so inclined. Not that we can tell you what to do once the ball is over, of course.”_

That earned him more cheers and Zoro joined in half-heartedly, much more focused on trying to come up with a way to sneak off and sample some of Nami’s vodka. 

_“Next up, there’s only five more minutes to sign up for the event of the night: the cutest couple competition. And if those who have already signed up will lend me their ears for a second, please take your seats at the couples’ table.”_

“I _told_ you it was bad,” Zoro hissed at Nami as they both tried to look happy at the prospect, and started walking towards the table. 

“I’m literally just trying to be optimistic,” Nami hissed back. “I’ll let you sneak off with the vodka as soon as you can, but just suck it up for now. Think about the money.” 

Zoro tried to envision himself on top of a Scrooge McDuck sized pile of coins, which helped a little. He and Nami considered where to sit for a moment, then settled for a pair of chairs not close enough to the middle to draw too much attention, but not too far to the sides either. Others quickly filled in beside them, and soon there were only a few empty chairs, without it looking like anyone else was going to join. 

So, here was their competition. Zoro eyed the people surrounding them, trying to figure out which of the couples were the biggest threats. There was Kalifa and Lucci, of course, and Zoro would say they were by far their biggest issue, but there was also the guy he’d seen talking to Jabra a few days back. He was sitting with a girl Zoro recognized as Pudding, and even if the two had nothing else going for them they could very well end up winning purely because of how well-dressed they were. Even next to Kalifa, who always managed to at least look expensive, it was obvious they were in a completely different league. With Pudding it wasn’t a surprise, considering how much money her mom had to go around, but Zoro had never known she had an equally rich boyfriend. 

Using all the skill he’d developed over years of texting in class, Zoro got his phone out under the table and shot Nami a message. 

**_z0r0:_ ** _think pudding and her new bf will be a problem?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _idk_

 **_namey01:_ ** _he’s pretty new I think so that could be working in our favor_

 **_namey01:_ ** _no one’s been spreading rumors about them_

Nami was definitely right about that. The fact that people had been suspecting something between her and himself for about as long as they’d been friends would get people engaged, and that was their best shot at winning. 

Zoro nearly jumped as a microphone was stuck under his nose, and before he could even fully comprehend what was going on, the person holding the microphone (Morgans? Was that his name? All Zoro knew was that he’d seen him handing out the school paper sometimes.) was asking him a question. 

“Sorry, could you repeat that?” Zoro asked, caught additionally off guard as his voice was repeated back through the speakers behind him. 

“I said,” Morgans looked annoyed at having to repeat himself. “You two are certainly big news. There’s been discussion for years, but never an official answer. Until now, that is. So how come you decided tonight was the night?” 

  
  


“Oh, uh.” Zoro cleared his throat and tried to conjure Usopp’s notes in his head. “Well we’ve been dating for three years, but I’ve been too shy to go public. Nami wanted to feel like a princess for tonight, so I agreed to join the competition.”

_Nailed it._ Zoro had to resist the urge to give Nami a high five. 

“Oh, how romantic,” Morgans said, not sounding entirely like he cared. “Now moving on, let’s give our audience some sense of your relationship. Zoro, what do you like about Nami?” 

Zoro froze. That hadn’t been part of his notes. 

“Uh, she…” he trailed off for a moment, raking through his brain for something to say and desperately hoping that he sounded like he had too much to choose from, rather than panicking. “She watches WWE with me even though she hates it.” 

A few people laughed, and Zoro wasn’t quite sure whether that was a good or a bad thing. This was really turning out a lot harder than he’d anticipated when they went over the plan, so he nearly sighed in relief when Morgans moved on to Nami. 

“And Nami, what do you like about Zoro?” Morgans asked her, and Nami didn’t hesitate for a second before responding. 

“His sense of humor,” she said and put a hand on Zoro’s shoulder. That got a proper laugh out of the audience, so Zoro supposed his comment about WWE hadn’t been that bad. Or at least not unsalvageable. 

To his relief, Morgans didn’t seem to want any more from them at the moment, and moved on to the people next to them, who Zoro couldn’t remember the names of. Figuring they couldn’t be that much of an obstacle on their way to victory, he chose to tune them out and instead opened his conversation with Nami again. 

**_z0r0:_ ** _can I have that drink now_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _yeah go ahead_

 **_namey01:_ ** _the bottle’s in my purse_

 **_namey01:_ ** _the one usopp got me remember_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _yea I’ll find it_

 **_namey01:_ ** _good boy_

 **_namey01:_ ** _save some for me_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _ofc_

Finding the bottle turned out to be as easy as Nami had said, and soon Zoro had managed to sneak it into his pocket. With a murmur about how he needed to go to the bathroom, he stood up and gave Nami a quick kiss on the forehead before he could get it in his head to question the idea, then hurriedly made for the bathroom. 

The first one he found was crowded, with some guys he knew from his old class in the middle of a discussion about things Zoro was pretty certain would get them a stern telling off by a teacher, and which he wasn’t in the least interested in participating in, so he kept going. Wandering aimlessly, he soon found a different door with a _‘Men’s bathroom’_ sign, which opened to a smaller bathroom. It only held two stalls, both of which were empty at the moment, to Zoro’s relief. He picked the one furthest from the door, headed in and locked the stall door behind him with a sigh. 

  
  
  


**_z0r0:_ ** _how was my improv?_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _too much?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _you’re fine. stop worrying so much_

 **_namey01:_ ** _don’t drink too much and don’t be gone for too long okay_

 **_z0r0:_ ** _promise_

Perhaps Nami should have gone with him and had some vodka for herself. Or just some company. It was pretty weird sitting at the couples’ table all by herself, surrounded by people she either didn’t know or intimidated her sightly. 

Speaking of slightly intimidating, Pudding was in the middle of telling the crowd how she and her boyfriend had met. Apparently he’d just moved to town and the two had ran into each other at a business meeting between her mom and his dad, then gotten close before school started. Nami could practically smell their thousand dollar weekly allowances and golf weekends. 

On the bright side, the guy was pretty unconvincing. Zoro had sounded nervous, yes, but he looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here. Understandable, of course, since he probably didn’t need any extra money, but it seemed to annoy Pudding, who glared at him as he made the exact same excuse as Zoro had just done and left for the bathroom, without any forehead kiss. 

Nami had definitely overestimated how much of a threat Pudding was. Despite her status, her boyfriend had just moved her several steps down Nami’s mental leaderboard, leaving Kalifa and Lucci the biggest threats to the money that was rightfully hers. And Zoro’s too, she supposed. 

They’d nabbed the middle seat, which only felt natural, no matter how much Nami hated to admit it. Had anyone else tried that move, it had seemed like they were trying too hard, but Kalifa had sat down on the middle chair like she was Jesus at the last supper. Nami hoped Lucci would turn out to be Judas, considering he had been kissing Kalifa earlier, but that wouldn’t be very strategic of them and she knew from experience that at least Kalifa was strategic, after a particularly traumatizing group project. 

She tried to listen to what Kalifa was saying, but it got difficult when she spotted Vivi at the right side of the U. When Nami looked at her, she quickly looked down at her hands, which Nami thought was weird, but which she quickly stopped thinking about when Vivi looked up again and gave her a hesitant wave. Nami waved back, discreetly and with butterflies making an uproar in her stomach. 

_“We will no longer sit idly!”_ She imagined them saying, as the fluttering got worse and worse the longer she and Vivi held eye contact. 

Finally, Vivi’s attention was pulled elsewhere. By a boy sitting next to her, to be more precise. Nami just barely had time to bitterly think that that was her boyfriend before the butterflies all promptly died and collectively sank to the ground, making Nami feel heavy. She should have gone with Zoro to drink. Scratch that, she shouldn’t have come to the ball at all, and just stayed home drinking with Zoro, Luffy and Usopp. 

Well, it was too late for that now. She just had to make do. 

**_namey01:_ ** _hey mind if I come share that drink?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _zoro?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _you there?_

 **_namey01:_ ** _????_

  
  
  


Zoro’s phone was buzzing but he figured it could wait, considering the far more pressing issue of the guy currently having a breakdown in the stall next to him. Or at least, that was what it sounded like. And there was a strong smell of cigarette smoke, which further reinforced his theory. 

Now, he wasn’t usually one to take pity on a stranger crying in the stall next to him, but he was a little tipsy and had had a very stressful evening so far, so he couldn’t help but feel some sympathy for the poor guy. He remembered a book Fujitora had made him read for class, where two strangers in a trench somewhere had shared their life stories or something while they were being shot at. It was pretty boring, and he hadn’t really gotten it until now. But now he realized it was all about the sense of comradery one experiences in times of peril, and deeply regretted not writing that in his essay. Maybe he’d gotten more than a D if he had? 

“Hey,” he said and knocked on the wall separating him and the stranger. “Want a drink?” 

“Yes please,” the guy answered, almost immediately, and Zoro thought he recognized his voice from somewhere. He tried to remember as he crouched down and passed the bottle under the wall, where a pale hand accepted it. 

“Nice shoes,” the stranger said, then took an audible sip of the vodka. 

“Thanks, I borrowed them from my foster dad,” Zoro responded, and accepted the bottle as it was handed back under the wall. 

“So,” he paused to take a swig. “How come you’re here crying when there’s a ball to attend outside?”

“I wasn’t crying, shithead,” the stranger snapped back surprisingly quickly, and rudely in Zoro’s opinion. 

“You so were.” 

“Was not.” 

“Was _too._ ” 

“What are you, five?” 

“Yeah, five times cooler than you,” Zoro retorted, then laughed at his own joke, hearing the stranger do the same, to his surprise. 

“Christ, that was horrible,” the stranger said. “And to answer your question, _if_ I was crying, it’s because there’s just a lot going on.” 

He sniffled loudly, and Zoro thought he was doing a pretty poor acting job, unlike himself, who’d been going steady all night. But he didn’t say that, merciful in nature as he was, instead deciding to press further. 

“Like what?”

“Just...a lot.” The stranger truly wasn’t an elaborate guy, but Zoro didn’t say that either as it did sound like the stranger might continue. And lo and behold, he actually did, after some more sniffling. 

“I’m here at this stupid party, with Pudding who’s...she’s great, don’t get me wrong, but…” The stranger trailed off, which gave Zoro time to process what he’d heard. So the guy in the other stall was Pudding’s boyfriend. That was interesting. 

“I don’t know if I like her like that, and she definitely doesn’t like me like that. We’re just trying to make our parents happy.” 

Oh dear. This was getting a bit too deep for a discussion to be having drunk in a bathroom stall, as their entire school was partying it up in the next room over. Zoro tried to come up with a way to intervene, but the stranger was on a roll now and didn’t stop talking. 

“And that’s not even the beginning of it. Can I tell you something weird? I’m gonna tell you something a bit weird.” 

Maybe giving him vodka had been a mistake. 

“I think I might be gay.” 

Zoro nearly spat out the mouthful he himself had taken, but the stranger didn’t seem to notice, even as he began coughing violently. 

“Oh god I can’t believe I said that,” the stranger suddenly sounded like he was about to cry again. “I mean it’s not like we know each other, but you’re the first person I’ve told. It’s the first time I’ve even said it out loud, and that makes it _so_ much more real, you know?” 

Zoro didn’t know. He hadn’t made such a fuss about it when he realized he was gay. But it was different for everyone, or at least so he’d been told, and the guy was already moving past the question. Zoro suspected he hadn’t even wanted an answer. 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while and it just kinda makes sense, I mean…” The stranger drew a shaky breath. “I like to do my nails and dress up and stuff. And my favorite singer is Beyoncé so like, I just _have_ to be gay, right? There’s-” 

“That is such horseshit,” Zoro interrupted. “I’ve never heard a whole Beyoncé song, and that doesn’t make me any less gay, I can assure you.” 

The stranger went very silent for a very long time. 

“You’re gay?” He finally asked and Zoro nodded, despite the fact that the stranger couldn’t see him. 

“Damn straight I am,” he said, then laughed at his own joke again. 

  
  
  


Nami put her phone down with an irritated sigh after sending Zoro her twentieth message. It was obvious she would have to go and tear her own vodka from him by herself, and she was about to do se when Franky - sorry _DJ Franky_ \- spoke up again. 

_“Hope everyone’s evening is super so far. Dinner will be served in just a few minutes, however, we first have to make some space in our schedules for the evening’s biggest announcement! The winners of the cutest couple award!”_

Some of the audience cheered, others just clapped and Nami felt like she was about to sink through the floor. Had it really been that long since Zoro left? How fast could a hundred-odd high school students vote?! 

She was definitely taking his share of the money for this. Her palms started getting sweaty and she had to force herself not to turn around and stare at Franky as he heard him opening an envelope, no doubt holding the winners’ names. 

_“Alright! Who’s excited?!”_

The audience cheered, louder this time. 

_“Good enough,”_ Franky said. _“Now, the winners of the competition, the school’s cutest couple are…”_

Nami held her breath, and she could see Kalifa grabbing Lucci’s shoulder. 

_“Nami and Zoro!”_

_Yes!_ Nami turned to where Zoro had been sitting on pure instinct, before remembering he wasn’t there and she had the spotlight all to herself. And honestly, it felt pretty great getting applauded by the entire room. She could get used to it. 

“Congratulations, congratulations!” Morgans had appeared out of nowhere again. “Now you two- oh my. Where’s Zoro gone off to?” 

“He’s just in the bathroom,” Nami reassured him and was just about to continue, thanking people for voting for her or whatever, when she was interrupted by Kalifa. 

“Yeah, about that,” she said. “He’s been gone for nearly half an hour now. That’s not really good boyfriend material, if you ask me.” 

She got some agreeing murmurs from the audience, and seemed to throw Morgans slightly off guard. 

“Well, the voting’s finished so-” he began, but she cut him off as well. 

“I suppose I just don’t really see the point of handing over a cutest couple award when one half of them has obviously ditched the other.” 

That got some more murmurs and Nami had never felt this much like punching both Kalifa and Zoro. And Lucci too, for good measure.

“He’s just in the bathroom, I tell you,” she snapped. “He’ll be back in a moment, if you can just be patient.” 

“Hm…” Morgans didn’t look convinced. “How about this, then. We wait for ten minutes, then we’ll discuss what to do if he still hasn’t come back.” 

He said it like anything could happen, but Nami knew damn sure what would happen. Namely, that she would be not only humiliated, but more importantly robbed of her prize money. 

_Like hell!_

As Morgans left to set a timer, and the audience focused back on talking to each other, she opened her phone and shot Usopp a message. 

**_namey01:_ ** _if Zoro isn’t back in eight minutes, go ahead with the distraction_

 **_godusopp:_ ** _roger 👌_

  
  
  


“Bisexual, huh,” the stranger said and Zoro shrugged, still not entirely remembering that the stranger couldn’t see him. 

“I mean, that isn’t necessarily it, I’ve heard some people say pansexual too.” He shrugged again. “Honestly I don’t really get the difference. Point is, just because you’re not straight doesn’t make you gay. Get it?” 

“I think I get it,” the stranger was a lot calmer now. “I just have no idea what to do with this information.” 

“Go and kiss some dudes, I don’t know.”

“Is that a proposition?”

“You wish.” 

The stranger laughed and Zoro couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Hey,” the stranger continued. “Thank you. For helping me through this, and for the vodka.” 

“No problem, dude.” Zoro suspected Nami would be mad that they’d drunk all her vodka, but he would just have to deal with that later. For now, he was actually having pretty fun, even if he was sat in a bathroom stall talking to a stranger he didn’t even know the name of. 

“It’s kinda weird that I don’t even know your name,” the stranger said, as if he could read Zoro’s thoughts. 

“Well, I don’t know yours either.” Zoro was a little hesitant to reveal his name, considering it would entail having to explain why he was in a cutest couple competition with a girl. Speaking of the competition, had they started voting yet? He hoped not.

“I’m Sanji,” Sanji the stranger said, which meant Zoro had to introduce himself as well, he supposed. Otherwise it’d just be weird. 

“I’m Zoro.” 

“Well then, Zoro.” It sounded like Sanji was standing up. “Should we come out of the stalls?” 

“Thought you’d done enough coming out for tonight,” Zoro said with a smirk, and heard Sanji snort. 

“Asshole.” 

Zoro had stood up as well, and made his way to the stall door, opening it and stepping out at the same time as Sanji. The two of them stood still for a moment, facing each other, before Sanji stretched a hand out. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you in person, Zoro.” 

Was it just the alcohol or was he saying Zoro’s name way too much? Zoro suspected it might be both, nevermind how that was supposed to work. He was definitely feeling the alcohol, he thought as he took Sanji’s outstretched hand. 

  
  
  


_“Ladies and gentlemen!”_ Nami’s head snapped up at the sound of Usopp’s voice, amplified through a megaphone. He had climbed up on his table just as a server was about to place a plate there. For a moment, the server looked unsure of what to do, but then he just shrugged and moved on as if nothing was going on, while Usopp continued speaking. 

_“I have something to announce. For ten years, I have carried this…”_ He fished a ring pop out of his pocket and held it up for his now captive audience to see. _“Waiting for the right moment. And that moment, ladies and gentlemen, is tonight!”_

Nami suddenly realized she couldn’t see Luffy anywhere, and began to get a sense of just what he and Usopp were up to right before he popped back up. By jumping over the DJ-table, no less. And in the tiger dress. 

_“Luffy!”_ Usopp said, turning to Luffy and brandishing the ring pop. _“Will you make me the third luckiest man in the world, barring of course Chris Hemsworth and whoever it was that invented spotify?”_

“I will!” Luffy put on a fake, high-pitched voice, but was still loud enough not to need a megaphone. He ran forward, the dress flopping around his legs with each step, and reached Usopp’s table just in time to catch his now fiancé (?) as he jumped off it. 

_“He said yes!”_ Usopp shouted into the megaphone, which was a bit loud. 

_“I said yes!”_ Luffy repeated into the megaphone, which was loud enough to make Nami’s ears ring. 

_“DJ Franky!”_ Usopp took the megaphone back. _“Hit it!”_

_Well,_ Nami thought as the opening bars to _Crazy In Love_ started blaring through the room and Luffy and Usopp stepped into the middle of the U, _it’s definitely a distraction._

  
  
  


“Did you hear something?” Zoro pulled away from Sanji for a moment, his breathing shallow. 

“Probably nothing,” Sanji shook his head, then pulled Zoro back into another kiss. 

“What the fuck?” Said Jabra, who had just entered the bathroom. 

Zoro and Sanji both snapped their heads towards the bathroom entrance, none of them saying anything for a moment. Really, there wasn’t much could be said considering Zoro was still holding onto Sanji’s collar and he was pretty certain his lips were swollen. 

Jabra took a step back. 

“Get him!” Zoro yelled, and he and Sanji lunged. 

  
  
  


Usopp had just dipped Luffy deep enough for his hair to brush against the floor, which was really quite impressive, when a commotion could be heard from one of the bathrooms. Nami sat up a bit straighter, Usopp and Luffy froze where they stood and the entire rest of the room turned to the bathroom door as a guy from Zoro’s class (Jabra was his name, Nami was fairly certain.) came running out of the bathroom, with Zoro and Pudding’s boyfriend hot on his heels. 

“They’re attacking me!” He yelled, as if that was not blatantly obvious, especially when Zoro tackled him to the floor. 

“Can someone turn the music off? I can’t hear anything!” Someone in the audience said, nearly drowned out by Beyoncé singing about tennis shoes, which did help prove his point. 

“Do _not_ turn the music off, this is my favorite song!” Pudding’s boyfriend yelled back.

“What are you, gay?” The audience member asked, which prompted someone else to say “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that.” another to say “Yeah, it’s 2020, dude.” and Pudding’s boyfriend, currently helping with holding Jabra down to say “Yeah, a little!”. 

Nami caught Zoro looking up, and only just had time to realize that he was about to _ruin their entire plan_ before he joined in the argument. 

“And so am I, so eat shit Kidd!” 

And there it was. Jabra confirmed the statement, loudly proclaiming that Zoro and Pudding’s boyfriend had been making out in the bathroom, which did sound reasonable considering how long they’d both been gone, and Kalifa turned to Nami with feigned sympathy. 

“I’m so sorry sweetie,” she said and reached out to pat Nami’s hand. “Guess that means there’s no cutest couple award for you.” 

“No,” Nami agreed, feeling all her vague anger direct at Kalifa. “No, I sure hope not. Considering we aren’t dating at all. And considering I’m the biggest lesbian you’ll ever meet.” 

No matter how tempting it was to stay and see more of Kalifa’s shocked face, Nami restrained herself and just shot her a smirk before getting up and leaving the table. 

“Have a good evening everyone,” she said loudly as she made for the door, picking up Luffy, Usopp, Zoro and even Pudding’s boyfriend - who she had yet to be introduced to but who she got the feeling was gonna stick around - on the way. 

The five of them left the building, and kept walking until they were nearly out of sight, where Nami stopped. 

“I can’t-” she glared at the boys. “ _Fucking_ believed I missed out on my prize money.” 

“I’ll buy us something to drink,” Pudding’s still unnamed boyfriend offered and Nami nodded gravely. 

“I hope you will, considering you just stole my boyfriend.” 

The guy immediately looked panicked so Nami explained that yes, it was a joke, and no, she didn’t mind him nabbing Zoro in the slightest, even though she still didn’t know who exactly he was and even though she was a little upset that Zoro had gotten to make out in the bathroom, whereas she was still single. 

The guy said that while he couldn’t do anything about the single part except maybe introduce her to his now most likely pissed of ex-girlfriend, he could introduce himself, which he proceeded to do. 

Nami only half-listened, figuring she’d get to know the guy better over the evening. Or further than that, if her gut feeling was right, and it usually was. Soon enough Sanji - as she’d finally learned was his name - was swept up by Luffy, excited as always to meet someone new. Nami didn’t make any attempt to save him, instead falling slightly behind the group. 

Luffy was in the middle of complaining about how they didn’t get to eat, when Nami her her name called an turned around. 

“Wait!” Vivi shouted, running towards her, still looking magical, but also slightly out of breath. 

“Wait,” she repeated, when she finally reached Nami. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” 

“Of course.” Nami nodded, then turned to the boys. “You guys go ahead. I’ll catch up.” 

They did as ordered, continuing the dinner discussion, and Sanji promising he’d cook something, to Luffy’s delight. Nami smiled fondly as their voices grew fainter, the four of them walking further away from her and Vivi. 

“So,” Nami said, scraping her shoe against the sidewalk. “What did you want to talk about?” 

“I-” Vivi was still having some issues catching her breath, it seemed. “I was wondering if you wanted to do something. Sometime. Like, together.” 

Nami felt the butterflies return to life, ready for battle once more. 

“Like-” She swallowed, hoping she wasn’t wrong about this. “Like a date?” 

“Yeah.” Vivi nodded. “Like a date.” 

“I’d like that a lot,” Nami blurted out before she could come up with something more complicated and undoubtedly stupid to say. “If you want to you could come with us now. We’re just gonna get some dinner and drinks, and Zoro will probably wanna watch some stupid slasher movie. Like, the really B kind…” 

She was rambling, she realized, and quickly shut up. Vivi was looking a bit surprised, then hesitant. 

“I still have some work I need to do…” She trailed off for a moment, but then shook her head. “But nevermind that, actually. I can’t be bothered.” 

She laughed nervously, and Nami got the impression this was the first rule Vivi ever broke. It felt quite ceremonious, and she couldn’t help but grin widely at the thought. 

“Well then, let’s catch up,” she said and took Vivi’s hand. It was soft, a little damp and her grip was firm against Nami’s hand. It made her blood rush, loudly enough for her to hear her pulse like a hammer against her eardrums, as the two of them hurried to catch up to the others. 

**Author's Note:**

> pwease comment what you thought this took me way too long to write


End file.
